due to some 'puter problems, i have been unable to get online now for a while-

but it seems to be working ok now, though, so i seem to be back.

on to the news-

amy- my friend in washington who i am completely in love with- i told her. told her everything.

well, while she did not confess her love for me, she also did not stop talking to me, which is nice...

she sent me an e mail a few days ago which i was only able to read tonight, but she says she has questions for me... oh boy... but i will answer when she asks them...

i have my fingers crossed...

someone sacrifice a virgin to keep this going well...

my other header picture got all digitized somehow

you know, the one of val kilmer as jim morrison... so i have moved on to the real mccoy... hope you like it.... i do.

took my ex out to the bar last night-

actually, she took me, because she paid for it.

i told her i deserved some closure, and she agreed to go so i could sing my black little heart out.

what did i sing?

1. love her madly- the doors (don't you love her as she's walking out the door? like she did one thousand times before)-- i got a standing ovation from just about everyone in the bar for this one.

2. did my time- korn (betrayed. i feel so insane. i really tried. i did my time. i am the one who chose my path. i am the one who claimed this. i feel the life pour from me. i feel the anger changing me. *screams at the top of my lungs* OH GOD THE ANGER'S CHANGING ME. OH GOD THE ANGER'S CHANGING ME...)

3. strip her down- cold (could have stripped her down and ripped the world from under her. never thought she could be this way. i hope you get to play your games. i hope you get to see your friends. i hope the guilt mixes the pain. i hope you never love again.)

4. back up- stereomud (this won't be what you want to hear coming from me. i'm tired of hiding my insides from you...*screams* back up. back up. you're always pushing me... what you should do what you should do- is leave.

5. closure- chevelle (closure has come to me myself. you will never belong to me. like a leach hold on as if we belonged to some precious pure dream. cast off. you've seen whats beneath. now fail me. forget closure. closure has come to me myself. you will never belong to me. so breathe.

well, that was it. a very odd night. i had no set track list unlike the last time i took an ex to the bar for closure... this time i just did what i felt... the songs that i thought of when i looked at her...

at least it is over now.

'i know i can do it, [justin] said, helping himself to another ear of corn from the steaming bowl... i am sure that in time, every bit of her will be gone, and her death will be a mystery even to me.'

...

this is the year
where hope fails you.
the test subjects
run the experiments
and the bastards you know
are the heros you hate
but do we think its possible
if we try...
theres no reason
theres no lesson
no time like the present
tell me right now
what have you got to lose
what have you got to lose
except your soul...

so on to the story i was going to tell last night...

a couple of days ago, i was at k-mart looking through the cd's, and as i was getting ready to walk out-
i saw my ex.
she was standing outside with her 2 kids, and the new boyfriend...
suddenly, the song 'through the glass' by stone sour began running through my head-

"i'm looking at you through the glass
don't know how much time has passed
oh god it feels like forever
but no one ever tells you
that forever feels like you're
sitting all alone inside your head

how do you feel?
that is the question...
but i forget you don't expect an easy answer..."

well, that is the only part of the song i know...

it was funny, though... it did not hurt to see her- i suppose i am finally moving on. fucking took long enough.

this post is mostly just about the impact music can have on you... how a certain situation can make you think of a specific song... or how hearing a song can transport you into your past...

and the winner is- joshua!

with 3/7 correct answers.

the correct answers are as follows:
band 1- t.A.T.u
a sweedish pop/dance music group concisting of the 2 girls i showed you. bringing to the states such hits as 'all the things she said' and 'not gonna get us'

band 2- stone sour
made up of 2 members from the band slipknot, stone sour actually existed BEFORE slipknot, but disbanded to form slipknot, when corey taylor decided it was time to use slipknot fame to bring back the more passionate, if at times more mellow, stone sour. which included songs like 'bother' from the spiderman soundtrack, and 'through the glass' a song which i will write about in a later post.

band 3- aphex twin
i do not really know much about this band, but i love their music, and their videos. obviously, their biggest hit in the u.s. was 'come to daddy' which repeats, almost as if it is a matra, "i want your soul... i will eat your soul... come to daddy. come to daddy."

band 4- dashboard confessional
a favorite group of mine for years now... 'emo' at its finest. with such songs as 'screaming infidelities' and 'again i go unnoticed' this group will definately push you to the limits of your 'mope rock' tolerance... but in a good way.

band 5- kittie
canadian female death rockers. what is not to love? anyone who has ever said that females to not belong in metal, has never heard these women jam. having seen them live 5 times, and having met them all once, with accompanying autographs on a 'marilyn monroe' t-shirt to prove it, i have to say they DEFINATELY belong. their biggest hits include the songs 'brackish' and a cover of the pink floyd song 'run like hell'

band 6- mudvayne
with throat shreading screams, and awe inspiring harmonies, mudvayne have clawed their way to the top... along the way, sheding their grease paint and letting the music speak for itself- songs like '-1 (negative one)' speaking about abuse suffered by the lead singer from his father, including lyrics like "look at me now. a piece of shit like you. look at me now. you fucked me so fuck you. look at me now. a piece of shit like you. look at me now. you left me so fuck you..." they HAD to be on this list- even though there was no room for other great bands.

band 7- porcupine tree
ok, i do not know ANYTHING about this band, because i have just discovered them... but their one song i have heard, 'strip the soul' is both mellow and powerful... both heavy and meaningful... more updates to come as i discover more about them.

ok, i am stealing joshua's idea...

below you will find pictures of 7 bands which i like and listen to on a regular basis... this will not be NEARLY as obscure as joshua's, but give it a shot...

band 1- you may also recognize them as my hot blogville insane asylum nurses...


band 2


band 3


band 4


band 5

band 6


band 7

i am jacks complete lack of surprise.

well, how did my date go?

i was stood up. that is how it went.
i am fucking pissed, i'll tell you that much.
i thought it would be a good way to not be stood up if i went on a double date... fat fucking chance. my brother has got to be the most inconciderate motherfucker on the face of the planet.

but on the bright side of things- i did manage to get an air conditioner yesterday- so that rocks.
no more roasting all day/night. no more not being able to sleep because it is too hot- at least i THINK that is the reason i could not sleep last year... i suppose we shall find out this year once it gets REALLY hot...

well, i have had one hell of a few days...

i have done some drinking, i have done some music listening, i have done some hanging out- lets just say that i ate well...

i have to be up in 4 1/2 hours... i have a date tonight with that girl my brother has been trying to set me up with... i hope it goes well... really...

i found out an interesting bit of information... you can not leave a visible handprint on a black girls ass... did i mention that nicole was black? no, i do not think so, because it is not important...

ANYWAY... so she was over here the other day, and she was laying on my bed, falling asleep... it was pretty fucking late... and i said, "wake up before i wake you up"- i said it in a joking way- she says 'what are you going to do?'

so i pulled down her shorts and gave her a VERY solid smack on the ass... it left a mark you can feel, but not see... which i kind of figured it would...

anyway... not to worry, i have always made sure she was pretty much sober before we did anything... and i have done all of the work- i have not gotten off yet- even though she has offered- it just did not feel right to me, so i said no...

and on to other news- i hope my date goes well tonight... my brother seems to think it will...

wish me luck!