babs said that if this girl and i have sex

i should wear a condom... i wonder if this would work...



alas, i kid.

my brother is trying to set me up on a blind date

with some girl he met once, a friend of his girlfriends...
from what i have been told, she is 'supposed' to be a good match for me... except she has blond hair... i do not like blond hair, as a general rule... but i will give her a shot, i guess... you will never know if you do not try, right?
she has 3 kids and an ex husband... but the kids live with the ex husband... so i guess that is ok...

wish me luck.

i am also planning on going to go see x-men 3 on june 10th... with my brother, and without his girlfriend- guys night out. that was my rule. he wants to see it, i want to see it, but i do not want to hang out with his woman, so she is staying home. i am shocked he agreed to it- if i wasn't paying, he wouldn't have, i'm sure...
it is like they are connected at the friggin hip or something... oh well, i guess that is how it is supposed to be. spend enough time single, and you start to forget that kind of shit... at least i do...

to anonymous-

thank you thank you thank you.

that is the best music site i have found yet.

it should also be noted that i only download music to see if i like the band if it is someone i have never heard of, or only heard 1 or 2 songs from...

then if i like them, i destroy the burned cd and buy it from a store.

if i do not like them, i just destroy the cd.

so i was on my way to the grocery store...

and i saw the hottest woman i have ever seen in my entire life!!

dressed head to toe in black, hair dyed black, beautiful milky white skin...

we made eye contact for a brief moment and then i looked away...

self esteem prohibits me from saying anything to her...

but holy fuck she was hot!!

does anyone know any free music downloading sites?

i have tried all that i know,
imesh
morphius
bearshare
limewire
blubster
soulseek
emule

limewire was way too slow, and kept freezing up because i would not buy the pro version, then once i spent 3 hours downloading the software and 2 songs, i went to burn them, and they were gone...

blubster keeps opening when i click on it, but then it closes itself before i can even do anything with it...

soulseek, emule, morphius and bearshare do not even do music anymore

and it looks like the fucking feds have gotten to imesh and forced them to stop letting people download free music... well, real music, anyway... now all you can get is the shit that is not good enough to be copyrited... who the hell would want that shit?

the instant message i sent to my ex tonight in responce to the one she sent me...

if it makes you feel better to blame everything that you have done on me, then go on ahead.
i am not sure i deserve ALL of the blame but whatever.
but you can knock off the 'i guess your true colors have finally shown through' bullshit.
you and i both know i had every right to be pissed off.


She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I was stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once in a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I 'm planin' to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find you have somethin' to say,
And I'm tellin' you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I was stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I was stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
IF YOU COME BACK I WON'T BE HERE AND YOU CAN SING IT...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

goodbye darlin'
----------------------------------------

i wonder if that shit got my point across...

2 hours in...

so far it is nothing special... good thing i waited for a year for this movie, huh?

lest we forget...

i know babs remembers...

everyone should watch this, and if it sucks, we can blow up abc or something.

i requested today off of work for the sake of watching this movie... why yes, that is a little pathetic...

but i have been waiting for this movie for over a year, so it is ok.

hello my name is justin and i am an addict

i relapsed tonight... it was bound to happen eventually, though i did not think it would be so soon...3 weeks is not really a respectable relapse point... but the thing you have to understand is that for the last 5 years, alcohol has been there for me when no one else has been... yes, i know this is only an excuse, but it is going to take some time to do this whole sober thing, and there is no one to help me with it- just me...

but i will do it.

a relapse is not total abandonment.

"i'd go anywhere with you darlin', any time."

that was the response i got from amy today about when i asked her if she would be interested in going to the poetry convention in vegas with me next year.
i can not describe how good that made me feel.
i can't wait.

in other news, i got my poetry book in the mail today... my brother was over and he asked me where my poem was, and i said, "i don't know, i have not even touched it yet."- i was eating pizza so i could not get the box open, and he opened it for me.
we found my poem
page 1.
thats right, i rock.
now all i have to do is go onto amazon.com and get the rest of them- which will cost me 1/5 of the price of this one-
unbelievable- page 1...
i have never even seen a book which actually started on page one. well, before this one...

what is sleep?

i wish i could find out...

i have not slept much for a few days now, and i think i need it badly... i wish i could sleep...

maybe some nyquil would do the trick.

ok, i think i am back now...

and you know what? george plays fetch.
seriously.
he has got to be the first cat i have ever known to play fetch. he likes rolled up balls of tinfoil.

as you all may have noticed, i have not been around in a while. the reason being that i just got a promotion at work, and since then these fuckers have been trying to fucking kill me. 8 hours in between shifts can take its toll, but i am off tomorrow, so i will sleep tonight if it kills me... heh heh heh.

i have sworn off drinking for a while, longer than the 2 weeks at a time i used to do because i was broke. i am not sure how long yet... at least a month. perhaps longer. who knows.

whatever infection i had is gone now- it took a bottle of antibiotics and a bunch of painkillers (just so i could sleep) but it is gone now. i also had to take the IV needle that my brother brought me to use as a piercing needle and poke holes in my cheek to let the infection drain. eeeeew. (in case anyone does not know what an IV needle looks like, it is about 2 1/2 inches long, and hollow, with a razor sharp point on it. literally, you could cut things with the point of an iv needle. i only bring it up, because i didn't know what one looked like before he gave it to me).

well, i think that is about it for now, my back hurts so i am going to go but i will be back later to see what all of you have been up to.

i had it out with that bitch last night...

and i most certainly told her what was up. i don't think she will be contacting me again.

if she does, she is not as smart as i thought she was.

new news... gotta roll with it...

i told off my ex sometime last week... i sent her an IM telling her how shitty it was that she got back in touch with me and waited for me to tell her how lonely i was and that i wanted her back (this was before i decided i did not want her back) and then disappear for another month... i said, "oh sure, you love me, but i guess you love your new dating freedom more... it must have made you feel really good to know that i have been alone ever since we split up, while you have been living this new popular life without me..."

blah blah blah... she called me back the other day, i did not answer the phone because i was sick in bed, and she left me a message- "hi, its heather, i was just checking my im's at work and i got yours... i'm not really sure what is going on, but if you want to call me, i should be around my phone most of the night... i'd like to know what the problem is... call me, please?"

WHAT IN THE HOLY BLOODY FUCK IS THAT?!!! i know she is smart, why can she not understand what i meant when i sent that im?

as i believe i said some time ago, women are fucking crazy. well, 99.999999999% are crazy in a bad way. the rest are crazy in a good way.
but all of the ones i have ever dated are crazy in a bad way.

tell her whats up, robert.

well, i am back... kind of

indeed, i have been gone for a few days, i have not been feeling well- begining saturday night, and then growing continuously worse all through work sunday. i missed my first day of work on monday, and will undoubtably miss another today, but by friday i hope to be back to 100%- or what ever 100% is for me-

i literally have barely been out of bed for 2 1/2 days- i have been sleeping- my face is all swollen for some strange reason, and i have been taking a lot of medication to try to get back to my normal funny looking self- i'll put it to you this way, monday morning, i woke up at around 6 am, and my right eye was almost swollen shut... so i took some meds- antibiotics and painkillers, and went back to bed for a couple of days... i hope to be back in a day or two- just wanted to let you all know what was going on in my neck of the woods...

what becomes of the broken hearted

~ {verse 1} ~
Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

~ {chorus} ~
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight i wanna cry

~ {verse 2} ~
Would it help if i turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

~ {chorus} ~
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight i wanna cry

~ {chorus} ~
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To Hell with this pride let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight i wanna cry

i have had enough... everyone i have ever loved will leave me soon, just like you...

george: an update

he came home around 4:30 pm, and he was high as hell. babs was right, they must have given him some good shit... but he is fixed now, and sleeping it off in the bathroom. he STILL has food left, he was only given 1/3 of a can, and he hasn't eaten it all, which is a first. normally he has a whole can gone in 5 minutes.

so he is hanging out in the bathroom, high as hell, and LOOKING high as hell, but i am certain that by tomorrow it will be worn off...

MOVIES-
grandma's boy comes out tuesday, i rented it tonight, and i also rented volume 2 of the 'masters of horror' series, 13 one hour long movies, all directed by the best 13 directors in the horror genre. volume 1 was great, i am sure volume 2 will be good too...

see, i'm not a complete jerk

as you can see by my last post...

george is at the vet. its ok, he is fine, he just went in to get fixed and to get his shots. the nurse said he might be hallucinating and his head might be a bit wobbley when he gets home... good drugs, i guess... they weighed him, and he weighs like 9 pounds!! fat cat... he is only 8 months old...

i slept all day yesterday, and woke up at 2 am today. just in time to watch futurama and family guy. sweet.

i think pre street movies came in yesterday... i will go today to see if there was anything good.

an amy update

for those of you who do not know who amy is, she is my lesbian friend whom i am completelty, hopelessly in love with... but i have an idea... i have been invited to yet another 'poetry.com' get together, this one is in vegas... that sounds all good, except for the fact that i have not saved any money for it... perhaps next year i will go... perhaps... and if i do, i am going to invite amy to spend the week with me, no strings atached... i think if she sees me again, she will fall for me as i have done for her, so maybe next year, i will actually go to vegas and possibly recieve my awards... that would also be nice... to be an award winning poet... and then i would have the entire time we are in vegas to tell her how i feel about her... who the hell knows, maybe she feels the same... but then again, maybe she does not... i will give her a year's notice of the conference, just in case... i do know that i think it would be flattering for me to invite her, and pay for her to come to my party... i am not even inviting my family to this... they do not have any money... but i would gladly pay anything for her to attend... i love her that much.

once again,

i can't sleep



but i'll keep on trying... i guess i am just getting ready for summer... and i know that i have a lot of things to do today before i go to work, that probably has a lot to do with it as well. i fell asleep around 2 am, just as futurama was coming on adult swim, and woke up briefly durring aqua teen hunger force, i WANTED to watch family guy, but i woke up at 6:30 am instead...

i've been awake ever since... i tried to fix my vcr, did some writing in my journal, tried to watch 'electra'- what a crock of shit that movie was. you would think SOMEONE at the company that made it would have just snapped out of it and said, "ok, so she became this electra character after bullseye killed her dad, but she thinks daredevil did it, so she swears revenge... then she is killed, but she is such a popular character, that we bend the laws of earth and bring her back, but only in name, and the actress who plays her, because now she is a contract killer? WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE THINKING?!!"

but no, no one did, and they released one of the worst movies i have ever seen, which is really saying something...

hell, that movie was almost as bad as 'the crow:wicked prayer' which was also pretty fucking lousy...

hollywood fucking sucks.

these are just some pictures...

"i am in a world of shit," he said... and he was...

so this couple comes into work tonight,

and asks nicole (the person i was working with) if she works on sunday mornings...

she says yes, and then they ask me, i say no, and they ask me to go to their church with them.

why the fuck would i want to do that?

so i tell them no thanks, and thank them for the offer. (i am still in customer service, so i have to be nice)
and when they ask why, i tell them it is not really my thing.

they then spend the next ten minutes trying to convert me.these motherfuckers pissed me off. i do not go around telling every religious person that their religion is wrong, why do all of the other religions?... ok, i am generalizing... i do not know that all of the other religions do that, but i know that a lot of them do.

as i have said before, i do not have a problem with other peoples religions, i do not hold any ill will for anyone that has accepted religion, it is just not for me, and as soon as people LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE about my religion, or lack of religion, i will be better off.

george carlin said...

"religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man in the sky. who watches every thing you do every second of every day. and he has a special list of 10 things he does not want you to do, and if you do any of those things, he has a special place to send you, full of smoke and fire and brimstone so you can suffer and choke and cough and cry for ever and ever until the end of time...

but he loves you."